Today is the day I leave for the NEDA Conference 2013. I can hardly believe that the day is finally here. I have been preparing and packing for weeks now both mentally and physically. It has taken up a lot of my time, which is why I have been so occupied and away from both my blog and Twitter.
For me, a trip is not simply a matter of packing a day or two beforehand and flying off to my destination. It takes planning and preparation that is caused by my eating disorder history, my current OCD behaviors, and a lack of clothing that needed to be purchased. All those things are time consuming especially considering I cannot always accomplish everything on my own.
But I have made it. Through help, extra work during therapy and dietitian appointments, and several shopping trips reassuring myself on wearing what is comfortable, I have made it. I managed to overcome necessary hurdles such as meal, packing, and clothes shopping stress; giving myself permission to nap, snack, etc. while on my trip; keeping my expectations in-check; and accepting that there is only so much I can plan and prepare for and knowing I did enough.
None of it was easy. At times it was quite hard. My OCD screamed and fought. I know, however, that it will be okay. I have the tools I need—I mostly did already. I need to continue to reassure myself in my ability to cope and the strength I already possess. I need to belief that I can do great things because I can.
It is amazing all the things that I have overcome to get to this point in my life. I have gone through so much and have come out on the “other side”. If I can fight so hard for recovery through all those things that I have faced, then going on an amazing trip to the NEDA Conference is easy. And, in the end, I was not chosen for a scholarship for the conference for nothing. I am not going for nothing. I am going because of my recovery. The recovery I fought for. The recovery I still fight for. The recovery I believe in so much. The recovery I hope everyone can have themselves.
I can do this. I can always do this.
See you at the NEDA Conference!