I was at the beach today. It was an ocean beach at the Puget Sound. Usually at the ocean I might put my feet in enough to walk in the sand and water and down the beach, but I never venture far into the water. I am fearful of what may be in the ocean. I am afraid of what could be lurking in the waters, especially and specifically because it is not clear. There could be jellyfish or crab, sharp shells or seaweed, or maybe even a shark! It is a complete unknown at times what could truly be beneath your feet. And that frightens me. Enough to keep me mostly on land.
But today, I walked into the water and kept walking. I looked at my feet and could hardly catch a glimpse, but I kept walking. Despite not knowing what was beneath me, I continued walking. I decided that my desire to be in the ocean amongst the beauty, solitude, and joyfulness was greater than my fear of the unknown and uncertain.
I realized at that moment that I do not know what is in front of me now either. My world is in a great transition and I am attempting to cope with a low point without turning to my eating disorder again. This moment and what is before me is a huge unknown and very uncertain. But I am going to keep walking. The unknown/uncertain is scary and unnerving but I can face it and overcome it. Just like the ocean, I can walk through all this scariness and be okay. I will be okay.